Published - Angelo State University RamPage
February 3, 2006
In the beginning there was light and dark. Or something like that. A while later, there was still light and dark, but then you had shades of gray thrown in to make things just that much more interesting.
Then a little bit after that, not only did you have dark, light and gray, but life began. It started small. I'm guessing with neighborhood markets. This life spread quickly, and within centuries, shopping malls and grocery stores began to spring up, bringing life to otherwise empty parking lots. Super Stores heralded a new era throughout suburban America.
Finally, the peak of civilization awoke. Until then no one could buy a one-gallon jar of extra virgin olive oil or a 52-pack of twin-bladed razors. Until then macaroni and cheese was bought by the box instead of by the case. Even curiously strong Altoids were only sold in curiously small quantities.
In a moment of greatness and wonder, a great event unfolded itself in the sleepy little town of San Angelo, Texas.
Never again would people know this greatness. For before San Angelonians' very eyes, the first ever SAM'S Club opened its doors in San Angelo!
Thousands flocked to be the first to buy 20-pound bags of candy and steaks by the gross.
Furniture, office supplies, books and even tires adorned the walls of this great bastion of free enterprise.
A tiny piece of $35 plastic buys you entrance into this hallowed ground of commercial greatness. Shunning no one except for those with no room for a 5-gallon jar of mayonnaise in their cupboard, SAM'S invites the populace of this great city to shop its extra-wide aisles with their extra-large carts buying their own pallets of Coke or grape soda.
Just remember to take your own grocery bags because even though that little piece of plastic with your digitized and pixilated photo can get your through the doors, it won't get you someone to help carry out your life savings worth of deodorant.
On a personal note, I buy Altoids by the case. I love this store.